Talkstar (AKA: what I did on my summer vacation)

June 6, 2005:

This was the day that I took to the airwaves in the News/Talk 1130 WISN "Milwaukee Talkstar" competition. It's been downhill ever since! I feel like a shark in a bathtub full of blood, wanting one more little taste. I keep thinking to myself "if I only had a 50,000 watt transmitter again, I could make them see my point." I never should've entered that blasted competition. :)

It all began so innocently. WISN announced the open auditions. "Anyone 18 and older from the Milwaukee area is welcome to try out. Auditions are at Serb Hall. Your audition is three minutes. Please be entertaining." Well, GEEZ! Can I talk for three minutes? You bet I can!

Oh, and there was also some mention of the salary involved. I don't think that many of the people who entered the contest to chase the money made it into the on-air auditions. You had to be in this because you wanted to express yourself.

So, I went to the auditions the first week. I talked with a lot of people in line and one thing was clear: no one knew what was going on. I figured I already had a leg up because I had my audition piece in mind. I was going to tell them about the time I was arrested by UWM campus security, basically for being a workaholic. Or, I was going to talk about one of the layoffs I've gone through in my short, but eventful engineering career.

Troy Shaw (Fox 6) changed my mind. I met him in the parking lot and we talked about the competition. He convinced me that I had to at least do some headlines. So, after my lottery number was called and I found out that I didn't audition until 5pm (number 96 out of 99), I went home to scan the paper.

Scanning was ALL I did, I wanted headlines that no one would pick and that had potential for comedy. At some point, I'll have to scan and post the notes that I used in the interview. They included a shopping list! Briefly, here's what they looked like:

Grisly Video Forces Serbs to Acknowledge War Crimes
Male Hug
Bush Calls Kim Jong Il "Mr." Nuke Talks Resume
Museum Scandal ---> Snooze!

WISN Naming Scheme: Jay, Bob, Rush, Glenn, Steve "Homer," Sean...
Headlines
Furniture Moving

Orbital Sander Pads, Belt Sander Pads, Mineral Spirits, Kilz



With these notes, and wearing jeans covered in freshly removed floor stain, I entered the interview. The memory is still very vivid, because I still laugh about how it all happened. I walked in and sat down on the barstool. A barstool with a microphone in front of it, COOL. All I was thinking at that point is "which one is Jerry Bott?" So I said it: "Which one of you is Bott?"

Mr. Bott introduced the panel and started to talk briefly about what they wanted me to do. Before he really had a chance to say much, somehow I just started my spiel. The timekeeper started the clock somewhere in the middle of my second sentence. I was already talking about how it was funny that all the on-air personalities on WISN have a one syllable first name. Even better, most of them have a two syllable last name (think about it). In fact, Glenn Beck was probably canned because he didn't fit the scheme. And, I said Steve "The Homer" True had better start watching his back. Now, they've moved Homer's time slot...

Then, I read the war crimes headline. I didn't comment. All I said was "Oops, bad venue!" The panel cracked up. So, I knew I was in a groove, but I was still rambling badly and talking pretty fast. Next, I mentioned the museum story, only to say that it just didn't even ping on my radar. I figured plenty of other auditioners mentioned it and I just wasn't shocked that a public entity could blow its budget. This has happened before in this town. And then, the Kim Jong Il headline; I thought it was funny that calling a foreign leader "Mr." Was the pathway to peace. So did the panel, especially when I said "Mr. Gorbechav, TEAR DOWN THIS WALL!"

With plenty of time left, I described the furniture delivery I'd received that morning. I ordered a dining room table, six chairs, a hutch, and a dresser to stand the hutch on. What I got that morning was four chairs (one scratched and loaded back on the truck), the dresser and the hutch. This was almost a month after the order and everything was supposed to be in stock within two weeks! The dresser was brought in and it rocked back and forth. We sent it back and told them not to bother with the hutch because it was useless without the dresser. So, at this point I'd waited around all day for THREE STINKING CHAIRS! But, an hour later the delivery guys show up again and say "we got a tech to meet us."

They bring in the dresser and put it down. It still rocks. So now, one of them grabs a battery operated circular saw and starts going to town on the dresser, in my dining room! He's fighting with the safety guard, so he tries to tape it open. While he's doing this he's holding the blade toward himself, with his finger in the trigger. I said "I thought I was going to have to tell the police why there was a bloody black man on my dining room floor." The panel cracked up again, even Bailey Coleman, who happened to be a black woman. I was almost scared to tell the punch line to this story, but decided to just let it ride.

I started to get up off the stool, but then asked if I was out of time. I believe the answer was 45 seconds. Forty-five seconds? WOW, I blew through my bit! So, I offered up a few more tidbits about this lovely house that I just purchased, until the clock ran out. On the way out, I shook hands with the panel, addressing them each as "Mr. Bott," "Ms. Coleman," and "Mr. Slane." Unfortunately, Mr. Slane's real name is Sloan! He corrected me and I broke out a "Goodnight everyone, I'm done!" I left the room in a hurry at that point, because there was no way to make a further impression.

I'd met some interesting people at the try-outs. One of them was "Mr. 99." We called him "Mr. 100" until we found out that one of the lottery winners never showed (OOPS!). I handed another contestant twenty bucks for a beer run and invited him and Mr. 99 over for a wrap-party. We hung out until almost midnight talking about our chances and plotting to sabotage the next week's auditions by getting into the lottery and then walking away. We never did it, of course, we're good, honest, conservatives. :)

I had a good feeling, though, because I'd been talking with people in line. There were a lot of nerves and hesitation that day. I decided that if my interview wasn't what they were looking for, I didn't know what was.

Side notes:
1)Almost everyone that I talked to in line before the lottery made it into the auditions. Am I a good luck charm?
2)The security staff at Serb Hall told me that one guys was so frustrated with not making the lottery, he threw all his application papers into the air. His buddy had to nudge him to say "Dude, your social security number's on there."

More than a week passed...

WISN contacted the 20 contestants shortly after the second round of auditions. If I had to guess, I'd say it was a 50/50 spilt between first and second week "winners."

My call was amusing to me, because they called me on my cell phone while I was at work. In the basement at the sewage plant cell phone reception is a bit lousy. So I had to pull the old "can I call you right back?"

The "gang of 20" meeting was the next phase of the competition. We were all invited to dinner together, where we would meet our sponsors. I also met my competition in the first round: Chris Tarjan. I took a few pot shots at Chris that night, because he announced that he was an actor currently performing in "Shear Madness." I get a kick out of actors, and I thought the show was hilarious. So, during our introductions I plugged his show. A few more times during the discussion I drew attention to Chris by mentioning his show or his co-stars. And then, as if on cue, we were paired up to compete in the first round.

Until that point, I thought I might be able to skate through to round 2, even round 3 if I was lucky. But, I knew an actor was going to have more polish than me, and that's what it would take to win in the end. The good part about the match up, though, was that it took the pressure away for me. I didn't worry about beating Chris, I just worried about having fun. My bio on the website pretty much summed up my attitude toward the contest:

Aaron is an electrical engineering graduate from UW-Milwaukee. He has been working in automation and controls since graduating in spring of 2001. He has worked in the fossil power, manufacturing, and waste water industries. He is currently assigned to lead the software development for upgrades to Milwaukee's two waste water treatment plants. His interest in this contest stems from his affection for talk radio and news/trivia. Aaron hopes that he can create a program for people who also enjoy knowing a little bit about a lot of things. Aaron would like to be Milwaukee's 50,000 watt geek.

I worked on putting together a quirky, fun show. It didn't come off as light as I had hoped, but other than that I really enjoyed it. That was the fastest hour of my life! My friends still joke about some of the things I said. The line about teaching your kids to run in the street and take candy from strangers is going to be a punch line for a while.

There were some highlights and lowlights during the show.

Bad
1) Rookie mistakes: I forgot to give out the phone numbers.
2) Disorientation: my first caller was a friend of mine, and I didn't even recognize her!
3) Technical glitches: the headset problem during this first call was my fault! I'd turned down the volume so that I could hear Jerry Bott in the studio. I ended up troubleshooting this one myself while on the air. How's that for calm under pressure?
4) Lack of direction: the overall negativity of the first segment was high, even for me. I'm a big fan of sarcasm, but I let it get a little out of hand.
5) Not enough notes: I thought I was going to do ok. My live commercial read was the ONLY part that I rehearsed in advance. I wish I'd done more.

Good
1) Intros and exits: I still get a kick out of "Welcome to the second half of the Chris Tarjan morning show" and 60 minutes of fame turning into 15 after taxes.
2) Call volume: people may have tuned out because it seemed like I wasn't talking to them, but West Allis sure was listening. :)
3) Bumper music: I picked the two tunes that were used, and when I listen to the show I really like the placement.
4) The final segment: I'd finally loosened up at that point and anyone who was listening got to hear me without the microphone. I chuckle to myself when I listen to it.
5) The adrenaline rush: there is no way to describe how thrilled I was to do this. I never felt nerves because I was far to excited.

The next morning Jerry Bott called to make the announcement of the winner. He asked me how I felt and I thought the tag line "tragically optimistic" pretty much summed it up. I felt good about my show, but I knew Chris was the winner. I really appreciate the fact that he continued to plug me throughout the competition, and was even taking some of my topic suggestions (even the bad ones).

I met many very interesting people in this contest. Some of them are here in the Blogosphere, which is why I've chosen to give this "blogging thing" a shot. I've enjoyed the interaction with people, even when we disagree.

If I’m at all a success at this, I owe some credit to Chris Tarjan. He pointed me to the blogs, where I found Patrick taking shots at my performance. That first smart-aleck remark to Patrick got me hooked!