Alright You Primitive Screwheads, Listen Up!
On the heels of the recent school violence, there's talk of allowing teachers to have guns. Patrick notes that it was talked about on the Early Spin this morning.
Let me lay this out for those of you who don't get it: giving teachers guns will not increase violence! Yes, there might be an accident some day. There is still a net gain to be achieved here. Observe:
Whether or not teachers are armed will not increase the number of students who are willing to become killers. Only a fool would argue that mere presence of a gun can turn someone into a cold-blooded killer.
So, given that the pool of potential psychos is fixed, there are three types of individuals we're talking about.
Student Killer #1: Will kill 15 of his fellow classmates because he knows there is no one to stop him.
Student Killer #2: Will kill 15 of his fellow classmates regardless of whether someone stands in his way.
Student Killer #3: Will kill 15 of his fellow classmates regardless of whether someone stands in his way. But, this student has no way to obtain a weapon and needs one to be conveniently placed in front of him.
In a classroom without guns the death toll in this example is 30, because Student Killer #3 is not very resourceful.
Now, arm the teachers. Student Killer #1 wusses out, Student Killer #2 is undeterred, and Student Killer #3 steals a gun. Even if we assume that the teachers with guns are unsuccessful, the death toll is exactly the same! Now, imagine that one of these killers is stopped in the act and it's a net gain.
The fallacy in my argument is the assumption that Student Killer #3 represents exactly one third of the available psychopath pool. Do you honestly believe that a student who wants to kill his classmates won't be able to find a weapon anywhere? This person represents far less than one third of the psycho population.
Our schools could benefit from some sort of response system. Right now, when something does happen we must wait for emergency responders to arrive. If not armed teachers, then stun guns. Better yet, install tear gas "sprinklers" with panic buttons. That ought to make for a really exciting senior prank.
Let me lay this out for those of you who don't get it: giving teachers guns will not increase violence! Yes, there might be an accident some day. There is still a net gain to be achieved here. Observe:
Whether or not teachers are armed will not increase the number of students who are willing to become killers. Only a fool would argue that mere presence of a gun can turn someone into a cold-blooded killer.
So, given that the pool of potential psychos is fixed, there are three types of individuals we're talking about.
Student Killer #1: Will kill 15 of his fellow classmates because he knows there is no one to stop him.
Student Killer #2: Will kill 15 of his fellow classmates regardless of whether someone stands in his way.
Student Killer #3: Will kill 15 of his fellow classmates regardless of whether someone stands in his way. But, this student has no way to obtain a weapon and needs one to be conveniently placed in front of him.
In a classroom without guns the death toll in this example is 30, because Student Killer #3 is not very resourceful.
Now, arm the teachers. Student Killer #1 wusses out, Student Killer #2 is undeterred, and Student Killer #3 steals a gun. Even if we assume that the teachers with guns are unsuccessful, the death toll is exactly the same! Now, imagine that one of these killers is stopped in the act and it's a net gain.
The fallacy in my argument is the assumption that Student Killer #3 represents exactly one third of the available psychopath pool. Do you honestly believe that a student who wants to kill his classmates won't be able to find a weapon anywhere? This person represents far less than one third of the psycho population.
Our schools could benefit from some sort of response system. Right now, when something does happen we must wait for emergency responders to arrive. If not armed teachers, then stun guns. Better yet, install tear gas "sprinklers" with panic buttons. That ought to make for a really exciting senior prank.
6 Amendments:
Increasing the number of bullets in the classroom increases the chances for crossfire and friendly fire deaths.
More guns=more shooting in that situation.
It's a dumb idea.
There's another liberal line of thinking: every bullet = 1 new death. I think that the recent story of the ONE guy who was plugged 110 times is enough evidence to prove that theory false.
There is potential for crossfire when the police arrive, too. What assumptions can you possibly make about friendly fire in any situation?
A gunman without fear will have the time to aim and take down as many targets as he is able. If there's a crossfire, at least there's a good chance a few of his shots will hit a wall, a desk, or the classroom pet instead of a person.
I still say that immediate response reduces casualties. Give us some way (any way) to stop the killer in the act. If I'm a teacher, I might at least consider carrying pepper spray.
Not sure I want to live in a country where teachers carry guns, but something has to be done about thes psychopathic kids who kill. I like your idea of stun guns or pepper spray much better though. I'm just not mentally ready for armed teachers, 'cause I'm not too sure about some of the teachers I had either.
I liked the days when parents could slap, spank, and discipline (not abuse, you) their kids without having to worry that someone would report them.
But consider the source. I think child discipline (which begins in the home--parents get mad when teachers discipline their kids anyway) should be like canine discipline.
It should be consistent. It should be immediate. It should be 24/7.
Lookit me. I turned out juuust fine! Isnt' that right, Hello Kitty? (Remind me to tell y'all about discipline in my dad's household. And my behavioral self-evaluation forms.)
Oh, and thanks for the tear gas sprinkler idea. I'll look into installing one of those in my (non-existant) kid's room. Cuz, you know, I'm going to be a grrreat mother!
Hey, I think the BEST preparation for being a parent is to take a dog training class. It should be mandatory because you do learn that discipline needs to be firm, consistent, immediate, and done with TLC. Once you've trained a dog you will be ready for anything your kids pull on you.
Wish I'd known that before I had kids. LOL
(Remind me to tell y'all about discipline in my dad's household. And my behavioral self-evaluation forms.)
I love that idea! I'm stealing it.
I hope you tell your dad every day that he was a great parent.
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