Early Frustrations

Cole is five days old now, and we've already got a few complaints. Fortunately, none of these complaints have anything to do with our child. They're all about the child birthing experience.

1) Lactation consultants are heartless. Give me a lawyer over one of these demons any day. They tease you: offering solutions, but never actually following through. They want the mother to tough it out, so they offer false comfort until she can't stand to live anymore. I watched our nurse stare at Kelly blankly while she cried her eyes out. They told her she could try the pump, then told her it was too expensive.

2) Nobody understands the concept of a newborn. Cole's first doctor's visit was today. They wanted his insurance information. Well, I haven't got it yet! The kid doesn't even have a Social Security number yet. As soon as the bureaucracy craps one out, I'll get right on it.

3) Diapers are for shit, literally. This kid has leaked through every one of them. They say, "Pampers for boys and Huggies for girls." I'm pretty sure they're right.

4) Nursing diaries are for chumps. You're never going to be able to keep up on every feeding, bowel movement, and wet diaper. And, for all that effort the doctor will look at it for a second and say very little.