Subject to Change

Obama to turkey: I was gonna eat you, sucka.

No word yet on whether the turkey got all wee-wee’d up over the announcement.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize?

I’ve always thought of the Nobel Prize as a lifetime achievement award. I didn’t realize you could win it before accomplishing something.

I guess our president can retire, now that he’s been recognized for all his hard work.

I just compared Obama to Hitler. Take that, you snotty liberal bitches!

I would like to send you a DVD you might enjoy. It’s a classic film, about a family dog, named Old Yeller. I believe that this film may be inspirational to you in these trying times. You may find it especially relevant to the developments in Iran and North Korea.

You see, Yeller was a beloved family pet. He brought endless joy to the Coates family. Their lives were enriched by Old Yeller’s love. In a similar way, our lives may be enriched by the cultural experiences Iran and North Korea have to offer. Who doesn’t enjoy a nice Persian rug or dog meat taco now and then?

Unfortunately, Old Yeller falls to an incurable, infectious, and fatal disease. The disease will slowly rot Yeller’s brain and he will eventually turn on those who loved him. The Iranian and North Korean regimes are also rotting their host nations from the inside. Their disease could spread, if not properly contained.

In the movie the eldest boy, Travis, tries to hide Yeller’s illness from the rest of the family. He foolishly believes that the dog is somehow going to cure himself, or he hasn’t got the heart to admit that Yeller is doomed. His decision nearly kills the younger brother, Arliss. Arliss’ love for Yeller is so unconditional and trusting that he is willing to release the dog, even while it is foaming at the mouth and threating to attack. Hey, come to think of it, hasn’t North Korea threatened to attack something? Iran has, too, right?

In the end, do you know how the family deals with Old Yeller’s disease? They shoot the dog. The audience cries a tear and the movie ends with the offspring of Old Yeller romping happily in the meadow with Arliss.

Mr. Obama, put down the damn dog. Please!

Hugs and Kisses,

Aaron

P.S. I really would like to send you this DVD. I just need to ask you one question, so that we can avoid the type of embarrassing moment you had earlier this year: which region code is your DVD player set to?

This gives me an idea: someone needs to engrave a message inside president Obama’s watch, marking the end of capitalism and America the Free, starting with the stimulus bill.

President Obama has been in office less than a month and he’s already losing his cool.

“Obama, speaking to about 200 House Democrats at their annual retreat at the Kingsmill Resort and Spa, dismissed Republican attacks against the massive spending in the stimulus. ‘What do you think a stimulus is?’ Obama asked incredulously. ‘It’s spending — that’s the whole point! Seriously.’”

Ignore the lunacy of that statement for a minute and note the frustration. Maybe if Barack Obama had completed a term or two in the senate he would realize that most legislation takes time and debate to pass. Remember debate? It’s that thing liberals like to talk about when they’re not getting their way.

I’m not impressed with the way this president handles himself under pressure. He hasn’t got much patience and he’s not very good at hiding it. Coming out of Chicago, he must feel that intimidation is a better way to get things done. I say it might be time to lay odds on whether he resigns before his term is up.

I’ve heard a number of disappointed conservatives express the thought that Barack Obama is “not my president.” I hate to have to break it to you, but he will be. Unless you’re willing to break the law to disobey the things you disagree with there’s no escaping it. Are you going to stop paying taxes because you don’t believe in Obama’s government? Maybe you’re going to disrespect the military because you don’t agree with the way President Obama deploys them? Sorry. If you’re a conservative I know you’ll have trouble doing anything of the sort.

And another thing: on election night someone shared a story with me, of a suspiciously armed man found in Chicago. I know that at any given moment in any administration there are people out there who would like to see the president fall. If you’re one of those people, could you please do us a favor and keep your paws off Obama? The last thing this country needs is for someone to give more ammunition (literally) to the “right is racist” argument. If anything happened to the new president it would be terribly annoying and I’m not ready to cope with the fallout.

The Race Card is now as worthless as the Jose Canseco rookie card I bought for $22. You may as well put it in your bicycle spokes.

I’d like to be happy about this moment, because my public school education taught me to look forward to the day we elected a woman or African American to the presidency. Obama just doesn’t do it for me, though. He’s creepy. It’s that smirk. I know that smirk. I do it too, when I’m about to say something I know you’re not going to like and I’m happy you’re not going to like it.

Maybe that’s not the caption of this photo yet. In a few months, it probably will be.

H/T to Jones for the photo.