Subject to Change

I just got an accidental call from my grandmother’s cell phone.

Being first in alphabetical order is a curse, I tell you!

On one of my recent trips along the Indiana Toll Road a biker stopped to check his GPS. “Go one… hundred… thirty… four… miles, then keep left,” it shouted.

OK, GPS lady.

I’m not quite sure whether to insult the driver, the GPS, or the Tollway.

You thought I was joking, right? Sadly, the end of the world really has arrived early:

“It’s a miracle!” McKinney repeatedly shouted Tuesday when she saw the cloned Boogers for which she paid $50,000.

Ok, so Booger was her pet. She still payed $50,000 to get a batch of puppies which will only resemble her dead dog.

In case you’re considering spending the $150K to give your pet eternal life, the best way of cloning your dog is still to let him bang the bitch down the block. Oh, and it gets worse:

Ra said his firm eventually aims to clone about 300 dogs per year and is also interested in duplicating camels for customers in the Middle East.

END… OF… THE… WORLD…

P.S. I wrote this post because it was the only way to legitimately use “booger” and “bitch” in the same blog.

I decided to email my electronic billing service, to tell them that I think there are some features the web site could use. I didn’t have any issues with my account. I actually wanted to tell them that I’ve been a loyal and appreciative customer for years and I just thought of some things that would help me out.

First, I received the automatic reply. Today I saw the official response, which complained that they had no record of the email address I’d used to submit my comment. Could I please resubmit through one of the following procedures?

Sure, and while I’m at it I’ll add an item to my comment list: shut down your tech support center in Bombay. They obviously didn’t bother to absorb the content of my message before cracking open the tech support manual and retyping all of page two verbatim.

We’re destroying it all, everything, according to some scientist-philosophers.

In this case however, it turns out that quantum mechanics implies that if an unstable system has survived for far longer than the average such system should, then the probability that it will continue to survive decreases more slowly than it otherwise would.

Thus, as a result of making cosmological observations of dark energy, we may have confirmed that we are in a state where the probability of its survival may fall exponentially.

That’s right. The universe is so fragile that we’re ruining it just by looking at it.

My dad got me thinking the other day.

He called me to brag about his new scanner/copier/printer. He only paid a few bucks for it, but what he really wanted
to brag about was that he installed it himself. He’d managed to hook it up and scan a few documents. Then, he figured out how to change his default printer back to his HP, because he didn’t want to print from the scanner.

He’s got every right to be proud of himself. Scanners have been around for over a decade, yet in spite of all the plug and play features of Windows XP they’re still a pain to operate. Even if you know what you’re doing a scanner can drive you nuts. I told my dad, “congratulations. If you manage to make any use of the thing, you’re way ahead of the average idiot.”

My parents are probably exceptionally tech-savvy for their generation, which is what made me think about me and my son. Will I have as much trouble understanding his toys in twenty years? What technology could possibly come along that would leave me baffled? I watch plenty of Sci-Fi movies and I was raised by a computer (just kidding, Dad). It’s hard to believe that much could take me by surprise, except for maybe a cell phone/internet browser/MP3 player/movie player/microwave/laser-operated sanitary device thing.

When I read this post at Wild Wisconsin it proved to me that Blu-Ray is dead.

Blu-ray backer Sony Corp.(6758.T) blocked manufacturers from producing porn DVDs in that format — a move that some say has pushed adult film studios into the camp of HD-DVD camp led by Toshiba Corp.

There’s growing list of reasons that Blu-Ray is doomed:

1. Everything Sony touches turns to crap (eg. Betamax, Minidisc were excellent technologies that Sony invented and killed). It’s their fault for trying to maintain a stranglehold on the technology.

2. HD-DVD is less secure. It might not mean much, but some customers will want to be able to protect their investment. Others will want to break the law. Sony’s experimentation with copy protection has also lead to some hacked-off consumers because they created product that was incompatible with older players.

3. Porn is a HUGE industry. Excluding this market is a big mistake. The copy protection on both HD-DVD and Blu-Ray will also ensure that adult videos are being reproduced legitimately.

The ultimate decider in the HD format war will probably be Disney Corp. When Disney adopted VHS, it basically ended the VHS/Beta debate. Since they compete with Sony, I could see Disney falling into the HD-DVD camp, in spite of promises to do otherwise. Currently, there are a few Disney titles on Blu-ray.

Charlie Sykes did a topic on phone/customer support today. Yes, I called in. So watch his podcast section.

This is a good time to remind you all about the “IVR Cheat Sheet” or Human List. Use it next time you want a real person to talk to.

Nick is afraid the robots are coming to get us.

Owen’s not afraid yet, because stairs will keep us safe.

I say that we need to tear up all the handicapped access ramps ASAP!